allow me this selfishness to write my thoughts and feelings

I was not close to him, but I did know him.

He was so dear to my boyfriend. They were so close for so long.
The last few years there was a bit of a rift, one that I don't know the cause of.
But it was sad. I remember when he changed his phone and deleted facebook.
My boyfriend felt deserted.

He feels he could have done something more to keep this from happening.
He hurts so badly.

I hurt for him.

I have never lost one so close.
I don't even know if I've ever had anyone so close.

Would anyone mourn me in similar fashion?
(again, not about me, just streaming here...)
I don't seem to make deep connections that easily.
I have a handful of really good friends, but I wouldn't say I have a best friend, nor have I ever, really.

But this has made me think that I should probably try to stay in touch more regularly with people I care about. Some of whom perhaps out communication has lapsed for years even.

People are special. No matter who they are, they leave a hole behind when they go.

I hope that my boyfriend can mend his hole a bit.

I feel so helpless.