I'm no good at being alone
It's a talent I lost a year ago
I'm restless
anxious
pining.

I don't want to be where you are not.

echo. echo...

Terrified of the future. I

Terrified of the future. I don't know what I want...

Might I direct your attention to my other blog, my writing blog. I may come up with some emotional bits and poetry, but at least for November, it will all be catalogued in "Museless Maundering." I will be writing profusely and hopefully updeating every day.

www.agentrusco.blogspot.com

I can feel it slipping,

I can feel it slipping, and like an avalanche, it feels unstoppable.

I dreamt of tornadoes last night, and of old friends.

“...sadness of not knowing enough words to express what you mean.”

Everything is Illuminated, Jonathan Safran Foer

I trouble myself.
Overthink and under-understand.
See and hear and taste and feel too much.
And yet too little.
Overwhelmed, but not finding the whole picture.
Like a small battle amid a world war.
Which skirmish with win the war? Or lose it?
I'd have fun all day with a real smile, yet cry myself to sleep.

Tomorrow will be fresh and new.
Untroubled at the start.
I'll wake up to a smile and a kiss.
I'll make it better than today.

A Sonnet By Request

I am no poet, yet for you I try
Your words inspire and delight my mind
Creativity flows always awry
Beginning nowhere and leaving in kind
The metaphor of love is all used up
Never again will new be uncovered
Question how full or empty is the cup
Answers variant as plumage on birds
But still for you I write and oft succeed
Words flow from pen more easily than mouth
Forever I'll write, I love you indeed
We will travel forever north and south

Rememb'ring to write and never to speak
For written words make the deluge a leak.

More Magnetic Poetry

promise some stud that rainbow
queer skin is erotic
play this ex wish
quiet pleasures are sacred lip hair
happy man comes on fag
protect my preference
touch the big men
never marry
we think style can transform people (into transvestites)
survive straight women
they compare by intimate head
sit on kids
see the best girl skin
I am in love with my strong boyfriend
I love having sex with my wet boy
the sound of language caress the wings
felt no god as sexual as me
live dance is positive emotion
smell my tremendous fruit as it tickles under clothes
pride is a must every time
embrace your fabulousness
give more kneeling pleasure
this life like pink eye
kiss the girl
head up for fairys
every condom will grow full
please an easy dyke
blow in no regard

I cannot even imagine life without him
whenever I entertain the idea
I drown

I never realized how deep those wounds were
so long ago
so deeply hidden
still so painful

why do they haunt and hinder now?

Cant get her out of my mind
tonight
im out of my mind
flashes of memory
pleasure, pain
i wish you were here
to fight the haunting

You are the purpose for my heartbeats...

silence eats at me
doubts flicker in my mind
nameless, baseless fears haunt me
I am a slave to my imagination's foreboding

free me with your words

I crave the brush of your lips against my skin
Tracing outlines of chills.

How much flesh can I caress at a given moment?
How much warmth can we make?

It still pains me that we can't be friends...

I am fading
turning wraith-like
a zombie every day
only human and alive
at your touch...

Testing the mobile posting function.

Testing the mobile posting function. This could come in handy.

Queer Poetry

our family is who we choose when our love will grow
love your identity
heaven fever
show the old homo fun
tickle the transvestite
make ache y body es between flame y brothers
we femmes always smell of angels
trust is an intimate embrace
we share fabulous brotherhood
endure tremendous erotic queer time
enjoy drinking your partner forever
fight on fag
every culture can celeb are the gender rainbow
listen to their wildness in bed
oh god i want strong gay sex with an overwhelmingly hard honey bear where ing a condom
fill up on hairy chocolate
his gaydar did work up there
we are dancing drag queens transforming straight kids
trans is a strong family
regard the boy as a man though tiny down under
pink like an open rose
together we blow the beautiful stud
cruise every business lesbian ever
passionate touch tells leather man that you understand
discover women to survive
sleep on or in her
curl with the butchiest dyke
do so father have more pleasure
play together tenderly
please come hard always
eat up night life
heart is soft
happy like charming man fruit
gently kiss sugary dildo foreskin
hag mothers are big meany heads
only give sweet head
kiss the fairy spirit child
pleasure it
mutually innocent
search a thousand hot bi women
preference is dark fun
dream flirt laugh smile respect believe fall protect love honor marry vow

The essential crumbles
leaving a flaky facade
friendly grins fade
to masks of malcontent


I cannot bear to lose.

my head hounds me
a persistent nagging
impossible to sleep

i must exhaust my body
i must let my eyes droop
i must try to direct my thoughts

it bothers me to know
that i cannot sleep alone

I am so tired
It's a boredom that creeps along my spine
A tingle of death
I feel that I am becoming slowly trapped
I love it here
And yet I yearn for more
I want to be a traveler
Yet I cannot bear to leave

ever.

I will wait.

my heart swollen to bursting
hiding my misted eyes beneath the brim of my hat
checking the movement of my feet, discouraging dancing

when i look up there is your smile
i feel it before i see it
and cannot help but smile back

hyjacked poetry

Promise me fascination beside the blue river bed
Two sisterful away
Thank you but my sky vowed pink world
His voice like rich chocolate
I hold his strong dyldor
Make touch be the song
Listen to respect drop ever and ever
Protect that one power
Laugh with favorite kind
Drink positive music
Make wing fever
Grow moon spirit sea
Embrace wild pleasure but cheek
We are happy and we know it
Must taste sugar
Want in soft
Boy I love him up at night
Hour near over
Innocent search by neighbor old guy
Please caress fore skin with honey
Me est hard girl
Remember mutual hand play
Gentle open armed goddess of light
Sleep between tiny woman
Will as luck take dance
Not another head
Beam me down kid

stop haunting me.
every time i push you down
you crawl back up
with your continuous insinuations
your unsaid fears and accusations
i thought you knew me better
i thought i knew you better
good riddance
please, just go.

i hate when anyone thinks less of me
i hate a tarnished reputation
it's my ego
everyone should like me

I will never ask,
But I will always listen.

You will get no cajoling, no pleading.
Only a silent ear.

Not so say I am not curious.

Change

But now is the moment, now is your chance, now is the beginning of a new
Dance
It's all too easy to say, "I am who I am" - to allow yourself to
Shrug your shoulders and say, "Accept me, I accept myself"

And the changes don't finish, just because you started
Allow yourself the lessons, there's room for heartache
Acknowledge the breakthroughs, but know there's always more
Don't stop yourself from being all you can be
To measure up to all he's expected to achieve
A man must do more than he is capable of
Man is what he believes

-- Anthony Stewart Head, "Change"

my chest becomes the pillow
my arm and leg the blankets
my fingers trace patterns on your back
your breath warms me

hugging a pillow is just not as good...

i get lost in you
dissolving, mixing
and i find myself
over and over

i am no longer the sponge
soaking up others' emotion
your eyes mirror
i see myself in you

it's a cliche
but you complete me

i hope i help you the way you help me.

my breath hangs in front of me
before solidifying against the inside of the windows
clouds of frozen exhaust fog the intersections
where cars pause momentarily

Happiness is your head on my chest
your fingers tracing my spine
your kiss on my brow.

Happiness is my hand in yours
my lips on your skin
my smile against your cheek.

Happiness is sharing breaths
locking eyes
dreaming together.

magnetic

art felt at dark blooms best
i want a hero to trust
fight the ache
can there be a tender kiss
only curl where you enjoy
share the heart's sacred language
belong by fire
yours is a delicious mind
dream together
embrace wild pleasure
joy is sweeter than understanding
evening is heaven's soul
his voice like rich chocolate
make touch be the song
love him up at night
listen to respect drop over and over
regard each day as a universe of hope
we are happy and we know it
let emotion soar
live always finds time for love
it is never easy to get true friends
whisper when you work
wishing for lip hair
let this quiet moment endure

Yeah heaven's jealous of the rain
Make love like time and space is ending
While befriending fate's alluring way of putting us to shame

(from Blue October - Sound of Pulling Heaven Down)