a gnawing at my soul
the coldness around my heart
cacophony in my head

i've kept it out for so long
numbed myself
i tried to return slowly
but it's crushing me
the long-forgotten weight
taking revenge

nothing likes being pent up
not self-realization
not fear
not anger
not love
not faith

and i've given each it's turn behind the dam
can't i swim in a peaceful river
a river blended with the aspects of each?
will there ever be a time when i'm not either all or or nothing?